Someone you want to casually date and NOT have a serious relationship with are not people who should pick you up from the airport, or bring you fries when you're having the worst cramps ever. One of the perks of remaining single is the freedom from communicative obligation during the workday.
These people don't owe you a patient ear when you had a crap day at work. The only things this person may reasonably be responsible for are your orgasms and half the price of Plan B. Honestly, there is something a thousand percent more serious about walking hand-in-hand with another human in daylight than boning them in a private setting after bar-hopping. Actually, going on fun day-dates is couple-y as hell, and the more you can avoid integrating them into your normal, everyday life is best, so maybe you shouldn't be seeing this person during the day at all."Hey, I'm bored at work and just killing time" conversations may lead you to discover a new facet of them you find ensnaring. You're focusing on your career, so for the love of all that is boundaries, focus!
This type of social interaction can cue way too much stress, and introducing that kind of social stress into a casual relationship defeats the purpose of keeping things non-serious. If the ratio is more individual friends than couples (and at least five of them to start with), it's probably a safe bet to bring someone you're only kinda involved with.
Also, if you start showing up with someone to events like these, the people in your life are going to start associating the two of you as a couple, and sometimes other people defining your relationship can have a significant impact on actually defining it. If you're going to start including someone you're sleeping with into more intimate social outings with your close posse, you might as well give them a goddamn drawer.
I didn't quite yet understand all the different things to be gained from having different kinds of dating situations of varying degrees of intensity.
Even when I tried to keep things casual, I would rapidly find myself ass-deep into another capital R Relationship—again.
Once you pick up someone's snotty tissue balls or vice versa, there's no going back.So when it comes to work events, weddings, and family get togethers, keep your casual person out of it. This seems like a no-brainer, but we are creatures of habit and we are generally terrible at protecting our holy spaces, and YES, if you're a young (or even young-ish) person, the bars, coffee shops, and other hangouts you frequent are indeed your holy places.You don't have to hide these people, but you should be pretty selective about who you introduce them to and the associated situations. They are where you go with friends, or by yourself, when you need to recharge, regroup, and feel in your comfort zone, all of which are reasons why you should definitely NOT bring someone to those precious places if you don't plan on them being a serious part of your life. You're weak and bummed out, and all of your resolve to do all the things that are good for you just fall away in the face of a more primal need to seek comfortable things.It accidentally established a kind of intimacy that forever warped our situation. That's the most important part, really: Maintaining an open policy of honesty between the two of you.Keep each other in the loop with your life and feelings, especially if either changes. Okay, maybe it is for some of us, but we can totally do it.When it comes to digital communication, it's a good rule to avoid chit-chat and mostly stick instead to just making plans to meet in person. If they follow you, ignore it—they aren't on your level. Example: A dude I met through Tinder followed me on IG before even our first date.I mean this next statement so hard: If you don't plan to have a more permanent relationship with someone, you don't need to be linked on social media at all. It was way too strong, way too fast, and ultimately contributed to me making sure we didn't schedule a second one. But this kind of relationship also wasn't in line with the game plan we originally discussed, and it was a bummer to lose that great thing we had, even if what we were inadvertently turning into would've been great for some people, or even for us at a different time in our lives.If you have the same tendency as me—to get very legit with someone real quick—you don't have to stay that way. I say "date" in a deliberate way because I mean the casual, lower-case "d" kind of dating.dating (sic) is still super fun and you shouldn't have to miss out on the chill variety it offers just because you have a track record of Relationships with very little time in between.I'm not talking about completely rewiring your brain.There's nothing wrong with having serious relationships; clearly, they are just great...